SONNETS

When I’m overwhelmed with emotion, I write Shakespearean sonnets. That’s such a nerdy thing to do, I know, but it keeps me from doing something more crude.

mother-im-furious

Seeing as this blog is a place where I can rant all I like, I decided to put them here. I haven’t posted them anywhere else because they tend to get very depressing and all my other social media sites have more of a happy vibe, so here you go.

Sonnets marked with ## contain dark themes.

Blanche, 13/08/16

Do I still love you? I don’t think I know;
Wherever I look, you’re in front of me;
I don’t want to let my weaknesses show,
But with feelings like these, it’s not easy;
It makes me smile, knowing that I’m still friends
with someone like you, as awesome as you,
but this isn’t how I want things to end;
I wish I could talk like how we used to;
I remember your scent, your smile, your touch,
I can’t let go, don’t think I ever will
let anything go, but it’s all so much,
‘Cause it reminds me of going downhill;
Though I’m sure it’s love, I won’t admit it:
My heart is so thin and that would rip it.

 

Vague, 15/08/16

People never pay any attention,
I don’t really know how people see me;
They ignore or stare in my direction:
Am I seen as shy or negatively?
I don’t tend to smile, I don’t often laugh,
I can’t help it if my look isn’t clear;
“Hey, are you okay?” they will sometimes ask,
“Kinda looks like you don’t want to be here.”
I’m actually happy, you just can’t tell;
‘Don’t mind solitude, but when I do cry
no one notices, this really is hell;
But if I’m alone, I’m probably fine;
No one understands, no one comprehends,
No one takes time to see things from my end.

 

Tides, 21/08/16

Just as I believe I’ve found my place,
I let myself be swept away by dreams:
Ones that bring me joy and make my heart race,
Others that remind me that life is mean;
Writing all these sonnets brings me comfort:
Making me focus on how they’re structured,
Distracting me from the permanent hurt,
Preventing my heart from being ruptured;
In every place I find myself in,
I always have to suppress all my tears
after thinking of adding in your grin;
Oh! What I’d give for you to be that near;
I don’t know if these thoughts are disturbing,
Or if they’re floats, keeping me from drowning.

 

Flight, 22/08/16

Situations that will never happen
constantly running through my troubled head;
It makes me smile when I think about them,
But they won’t, as you might as well be dead;
While browsing through gift shops on holiday,
I’ll see a necklace that would suit you well;
No second thought, I buy then walk away,
I hope you’ll get it, only time will tell;
I dream of hanging it around your neck,
Seeing your smile in your bedroom mirror,
Giving your soft skin a quick but sweet peck,
So you don’t forget how I hold you dear;
I really don’t think I’ll ever move on,
I will keep loving you after you’re gone.

 

## Done, 15/09/16

Tired, so tired, overwhelmed, I’m done
ironically saying I regret life;
Been dodging shit, now too tired to run
or convince myself it’s a funny lie;
I’ve fucked up and made bad choices before,
But never that affected my future:
Some of them will still knock at my front door,
But this one’s moved in and likes the sofa;
I got too cocky and I got too proud,
Thinking there wouldn’t be problems at all;
I was certain that I would make it out,
But, barely started, I suffered the fall;
Tired, so tired, overwhelmed, I’m done;
Stopped avoiding shit, too tired to run.

 

Alive, 31/01/17

Despite my plans for this new year of life,
I seem to be losing all interest:
The possible paths are causing me strife,
When really, all I want to do is rest;
I feel like the world expects so much of
me, whether it be teachers or my friends,
Because even if they give me their love,
If I follow them, my freedom might end;
This is because I don’t know what to do,
I don’t know where to go, what job to take,
I don’t know if someone will love me too,
Whatever I do, it’s my choice to make;
I’m sorry, but honestly? I don’t care;
I just want to keep living, to be fair.

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