“ALIVE” 31/01/17

Despite my plans for this new year of life,
I seem to be losing all interest:
The possible paths are causing me strife,
When really, all I want to do is rest;
I feel like the world expects so much of
me, whether it be teachers or my friends,
Because even if they give me their love,
If I follow them, my freedom might end;
This is because I don’t know what to do,
I don’t know where to go, what job to take,
I don’t know if someone will love me too,
Whatever I do, it’s my choice to make;
I’m sorry, but honestly? I don’t care;
I just want to keep living, to be fair.


New Year

Holy shit. It’s been a while.

I feel like I’ve neglected this blog far too much. I originally made it not for others but for myself, in order to get things off my chest whenever I needed to; whether it be serious, sad, or just random shit I wanted to talk about.

In the end, I kind of forgot that. Instead, I cared more about writing what others would want to hear, I would censor myself (whether it be vulgar words or depressing thoughts), etc.

So this year, this blog is going to turn back into what it was supposed to be: just somewhere I can complain about shit.

I’m hoping that I won’t have to write on here very often, because if I do, it means a lot of shit is happening and that’s the opposite of what I want x)

You might be wondering, “What’s the point in writing something online, posting it for others to see but basically just addressing yourself?” and idk, to be honest. Maybe there’s someone feeling as shitty as me who wants someone to relate to.

So yeah. I’m back. Oh boy. xD

Thanks for reading ♥

I’m happy.

I worry a lot about things that don’t need to be worried about. I’ll be studying for a test and I’ll be almost in tears over the fact that I can’t get everything in my head and my dad will walk in and say “This is what happens every time, you worry about this stuff and in the end it all turns out alright.”

And every time, he’s completely right.

If you read my previous post you’ll know that I was EXTREMELY nervous about going back to school after two weeks off. It was going to be my first face-to-face social interaction in fourteen days, swimming had been replaced by something else and I didn’t know what sport was going to replace it at the time (I love swimming, by the way) and I had a big biology test on two chapters of the lesson.

So you can understand why I was stressed.

But yeah, it turns out that everything WAS alright. No awkward social interaction was engaged, swimming had been replaced with badminton (and I was teamed with a rather cute funny guy, so that was nice) and I managed to answer every question on the test. The quality of said answers, however, is another matter XD

That was Monday. And at the end of the day I thought “Ok, that was a stroke of luck. Tomorrow is when the shit’s gonna start.”

Right now it’s Tuesday evening, and in all honesty, today was rather relaxing too. I only had four hours of lessons (unfortunately they were spread out across the day so I could only leave an hour early -_- better than none, I guess) and for three full hours I had absolutely nothing, so me and my fellow nerds (that makes it sound like I’m part of a friend group. Nah, there’s only 3 of us. Well, I suppose that’s a group, by definition) went and sat on the nearby football stadium chairs, talked about gay OTPs and listened to music. Pretty sure we weren’t allowed to go up on the stadium chairs, but it was raining and the chairs were sheltered soooo…. XD 

But I think the highlight of today was getting back in touch with an old friend that I missed a lot, and I thought our friendship had ended a while ago. And I’m only two days into the week, but I already know that nothing will be able to top that. No contest.

This is no actual point to this post, by the way XD I just felt like sharing the fact that for the first time in a while, I can completely say without a shadow of a doubt that I’m happy. I mean, I’ve been happy before, I’m generally a happy person, but often there would be a lingering bad feeling at the back of my mind. For once, I don’t feel anything bad creeping up on me. Well, either I don’t or I do but it’s smaller than usual XD 

So yeah. I’m happy.

Thank you for putting up with my rambling until the end ^^ ❤️